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WOMEN’S FORUM: Do not rush or delay too much

Nhlalwenhle Ncube – MY grandmother advised me to stay away from him for more than three months, but eeish I am confused on what to do because all over his face, ita��s written sexually starved!

The above statement was made by a woman who had a new-born baby and was confused on when to start playing the adult game.

It remains a debatable issue on when one should start having that pleasurable moment with her husband after giving birth. Of course, you need to give your body time to recover, but it should not be too long or too early.

Always know that the uterus and cervix undergo significant changes during the process of delivering a baby and they need time to heal!

Doctors always advice women to stay for four to six weeks after childbirth before starting to be sexually active. On the other hand, aunts and grandmothers suggest three months, so which is which.

All these advisers have reasons for the time they suggest, but all I can say is that a woman should be completely back on her feet and no longer bleeding when she decides to start having sex after childbirth.

Women should not jump into sex too soon as they might cause injury to lacerations that will not have completely healed and at times risk infection. Even if one gave birth through a c-section, bacteria from the vagina can travel directly into the uterus and get infected, that is if you do it too early.

A vaginal laceration or rectal tear that requires stitches can take three weeks or longer to heal, depending on the extent of the injury. Do not rush into having sexual intercourse because you will not only cause yourself pain, you can also disrupt the healing of the wound and possibly cause a rupture that requires another surgical procedure.

Always wait at least six weeks before having intercourse and when you go for your check-up, you can ask whether your cookie-jar has healed enough for sex to be safe and pleasurable.

I know you will be put under pressure by your partner; therefore it is crucial to discuss the issue and keep your partner informed about how you are feeling.

Talk to each other about how you are feeling and keep the channels of communication open. Your partner might feel rejected if you do not want sex when he does, but you should not feel pressured to have sex before you are ready.

Sex should be a pleasure, not a chore.

At the same time, some women just relax and take too long to start having sex which is a sign of being selfish. Have his feelings in mind as much as you think for yourself, then this will make it easy for both of you.

Do not stay completely away from him because sex is not only full penetration. The stimulation of touch alone can be highly pleasurable. Words and cuddles can do much to convey affection and emotion. You will both benefit from this closeness, until you are both ready to have sex again. You have to keep the fire burning!

On the other hand, you can also realise that your partner, after birth becomes reluctant because of worry that sex will be painful for you.

Still communication is crucial, discuss your condition openly and be honest with each other so that you can start having sex when you are both prepared.

Experts say do not give up on sex after feeling some pain the first time you try it as it is bound to happen. One might feel pain as the uterus and cervix may be lower than they used to be or down there it might have become tighter than before.

Spend more time on foreplay to help each other get in the mood!

The other thing most women overlook after childbirth is their looks. Ensure that you maintain your looks even after childbirth. Maintain that sexy look you had before giving birth.

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