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Set standards in a relationship

Nhlalwenhle Ncube

Many women are suffering in their marriages today because they didn’t set relationship standards. 

These women didn’t care about the kind of men they were getting married to, all they cared about, was not belonging to the “single ladies” club.

They got tired of being asked when they are getting married by friends, family members, colleagues and church members.

They got tired of being told that the reason they were not married yet was because they were too selective.

They were hounded by people around them to just settle for any man that mentioned marriage to them.

In life the secret is setting standards and sticking to them, no matter what!

There is no joy in settling for less. The women who made that mistake are the ones who preach the gospel of saying all men are useless. They are not happy and think what is happening to them is in every home.

They are the ones who will tell you that you have to suffer for your marriage to work. They are the ones who will tell you that as a wife you don’t have a say in your husband’s house.

You are to nod and obey every command just to please your Emperor Nero. If your husband says jump, you ask “how high?”

How I pity these women. I also pity the women who listen to them and their destructive advice. If you love to suffer, do it alone. Don’t use your bad marriage which you are enduring to set a marriage example for others.

The fact that you settled for a disrespectful and irresponsible man doesn’t mean that other women should do the same. If you just stepped in without giving it much thought, stop scaring young ladies by telling them bad things about marriage. It is important to set the record straight and say the truth that you never set standards to guide you.

There are good, loving, kind, responsible and respectful men in our society who love and cherish their wives. There are good men who don’t feel insecure about their wife’s talents, jobs, careers, business and prosperity. There are men who treat their wives like the queens that they are.

Women who are married to good men should be the ones giving marital advice and guiding single ladies on the kind of men to marry and the ones they shouldn’t waste their time on.

Ladies, stop settling for less. I mean the ones who disrespect you, gold diggers and chronic cheats.

In life you must not endure things that can harm your health and well-being.

Stop enduring cheating, cheating is not normal. If a man expects you to be faithful to him, he should also be faithful to you. Being cheated on is not normal and treating sexually transmitted diseases all the time is not normal.

Being controlled by another human being is not normal. Being physically abused by the man who should love and treat you right is not normal. Being disrespected all the time in public is not normal. Being verbally and emotionally abused is abnormal.

Relationship standards are minimum requirements someone desires in a prospective partner. In a relationship, a person feels certain qualities must be present or must not be present, in the case of unwanted behaviours or values, and failing to meet these requirements results in a deal breaker!

Developing a sense of entitlement to a quality relationship is the first step to enjoying a great relationship, because once you feel deserving, you are free to set and demand relationship standards.

As a lady, you deserve an honest, trustworthy and faithful man. Not all men are dogs or lack self-control. Shut your ears to the tales of doom women married to irresponsible men spread around town. You should be with a man you feel safe with.

Your man must practise good self-care and not engage in unhealthy or destructive behaviours. He must have ambition or goals, and be success-oriented. He must be employed, energetically pursuing employment or doing a business that brings him money. Don’t use your money to buy a man; you are setting yourself up for future heartaches.

It is important to marry a man who believes in equality and fairness in a relationship.

To all the young ladies out there, when starting a relationship, failing to uphold fundamental standards will lead to a sad future. Set relationship standards today and stick to them, you deserve the best.

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