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No to a�?revengea�� cheating

Nhlalwenhle Ncube

I AM just doing it so that he gets the feel of it otherwise ita��s not something serious.

These words are common with women who decide to have extra-marital affairs after discovering that their partners are cheating on them.

Is an-eye-for-an-eye approach a good idea when it comes to infidelity? My answer is a�?a�?NOa��a��. Before you even engage in a revenge affair, you should first know whether or not you still want to be in the relationship. If your answer is YES then never try playing games behind your husbanda��s back.

If truth be told, retaliation affairs damage your relationshipa��s chances of recovery as well as your emotional being.

Revenge cheating can feel good temporarily, but it takes away the happiness and peace in your life. You find yourself always busy strategising about your next move in trying to play your game clean. It is not worth it because the energy will be spent on the wrong things instead of working on bringing back the lost sparkle.

At the same time, cheating is risky as you can be caught. Unfortunately ita��s rare for men to forgive. A mana��s ego is bigger than his womana��s heart. If you damage his ego, chances are the relationship is over. Not saying a man cana��t forgive, just less likely . . . Also remember that never assume that he will forgive you because you also once discovered his illicit affairs. Men are more territorial. The thought of another man sniffing around their woman will make a man crazy. He wona��t be able to comprehend another man with his woman, even if he stepped out on her first.

The goal of most retaliation affairs is to even the score with your partner, to do something that victimises and hurts them just as their actions victimised and hurt you, to make them understand how you feel and to teach them a lesson. However, the outcome of such actions is often the opposite of that which you intended.

Sisters, cheating is never the right thing to do as you will never even the score. You should understand that when you discovered that your partner was cheating on you, he broke your trust and the bond between you, so your extra affair will never have the same impact as you cannot break something that is already broken.

Sadly, you will never make your partner feel victimised. In fact, you easily make them feel justified in having their affair to begin with. Some might even use your actions as an excuse to continue their extra-marital relationship. As Africans, a woman is called by names once discovered that she is cheating, but a man can easily escape. In this one, you will never be judged as INNOCENT, but will be definitely crucified.

Again when you go for a revenge relationship, you will not be successful in making him a�?a�?geta��a�� how you feel. Instead of feeling guilty for betraying and hurting you, your revenge affair might provide your partner with the perfect excuse to dismiss your feelings entirely and minimise the consequences of their own actions. You are unlikely to teach them a lesson. The only thing a retaliation affair will teach a man is that you have a vindictive streak.

To others, by having an extra-marital affair, it is just as good as encouraging him to cheat again. Your affair can easily make cheating seem more acceptable in their minds and before you even notice, you will be in an open relationship which wona��t be something you wanted.

Sisters, you also have to be aware that revenge relationships distract you from dealing with the real issues in the relationship. The relationship is already vulnerable so a retaliation affair might complicate things so severely that it sabotages any chance the relationship has to recover.

Having a retaliation affair will cause you to disengage even further and create an even greater emotional gulf between you and your partner. Animosity can escalate between the couple and even lead to domestic violence.

Lastly, cheating on your partner might make you feel worse about yourself, not better. After all, cheating on him would make you no better than he is because all you did was stoop to his level. Two wrongs dona��t make it right, so if you feel that you need a break and want to explore your options when it comes to other men, simply break up. That way, if you do wind up sleeping with someone else, it wona��t be while youa��re in a relationship and you dona��t have to suffer the emotional fallout of feeling like a cheater yourself. Then, if you decide to get back together with your cheating ex, your conscience will be clear. NO to revenge cheating!

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