gender-violence

Leta��s fight femicide

Vuyelwa Sibindi
BONGIWE Ndlovu (not her real name) survived abuse after she managed to flee from the claws of her abusive lover who for yearsA� not only turned her into a punching bag but also his ego booster.

a�?I am shocked by the rate of femicide in this country, the sad part is that there is no public outcry as compared to South Africa. These monstrous men are now targeting young women, making me wonder if women will ever be free from abuse.a�?

Ndlovu shares the gory details of the abuse she endured at the hands of her lover-turned- oppressor: a�?The man I thought would protect me is the man who turned me into a punching bag and made my life a living hell. At first he was a loving and caring man but he soon changed, to the world he was a darling but in private he tormented me. He surely was a hypocrite! He broke me down emotionally at first telling me I was not good enough, I would not make it without him and he even separated me from the world.a�?

She said it felt normal for a while until it turned physical with the worst part being that he would lay the blame on her but still apologise profusely. However, one day he took things too far, beat her up badly and locked her inside their bedroom.

a�?He told me he would finish me off on his return but I managed to alert a neighbour who broke down the door. That is how I survived and I made the decision to turn my back on that relationship and never looked back but not everyone lives to tell the tale. Women should be careful. Ita��s a cruel, cold world.a�?

Love seems to be a crime nowadays with some women choosing to stay in these relationships because they believe their partners will change.

However, the public should note that you cannot hurt the person you love.

In January Nomsa Mvere was murdered by her husband who later hanged himself, she never got any justice and her children were left orphaned. She is an example of many cases of femicide in the country.

Is this what our society is shaping men to be or there are underlying issues that lead to the existence of such men in this country?
Jackie Nkomo, a psychotherapist based in Bulawayo revealed that in some cases there were environmental and biological factors that mould the violence in men.

a�?When a man grew up in an abusive home that violence reappears in them in the future, it can either be verbal or physical abuse, meaning that a persona��s background plays a pivotal role in who they become in future. I have done some research and I noticed that hormones, especially testosterone, which is found in men is the reason why they become aggressive,a�? said Nkomo.

There are traits which should be noted by women in their partners which should raise a red flag.

a�?I believe it starts with basic things such as outfits, when he tells you to change what you are wearing or slaps you for making jokes. Jokes that also carry violent meanings should be noted in relationships,a�? she said.

It should be noted that things such as the battered woman syndrome (BWS) among other things, make women stay in abusive relationships as they are made to believe that they are at fault.

B-Metro found out from some men why femicide is on the rise but the reason that stood out was traditional beliefs that are deeply rooted in our society.

Blessing Sibanda said: a�?I understand that abuse is wrong but it is the society that shapes men to be controlling. We have been told that women have to submit to men but that is not it, they are independent. The moment she stands up for herself she has to be whipped into line.a�?

We have to remove the mental chains that domesticate and ground women in our society. If that is not done we will continue to witness more gruesome killings of females.