It’s not a race, choose the better one

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THERE are sisters out there who are no longer comfortable with attending public events especially family ones because some family members especially elders will be on their case asking when they are getting married.

Such pressure has caused some women to end up formalising relationships just for the sake of doing it. But really, do you have to move at other people’s paces in life, NO!

Each and everyone’s life script is different; some get married at 19 while some go up to 50 years to meet their right soulmate, so it’s just a matter of time for everyone.

When it comes to marriage issues, bear in mind it’s not a race as one has to take her time to get the better one. Note, I never said the perfect one because everyone has got weaknesses and flaws, but it’s about the better one from those you had a soft spot for and they also claimed to love you.

Before tying the knot, get to know each other better and it should not stop there, but it stretches to even family members because one has to know how best to deal with them. They are also an important part because some of them have the potential of destroying your marriage.

Sisters, you must be in control of your life and know that when it comes to love issues, it’s not a race but each person’s script is different. Women value different things from their partners and their expectations are also different, so if you have not yet met the better one, do not settle for anything less just because all your friends have done it and you are just in a rush to join the married women club.

Sisters, you have to know that marriage is one of the important things and it is a life changing endeavour. You have to be absolutely sure that the man in your life is someone you will be happy spending time with day-in and day-out.

Do not settle for anything less than your expectations!

A boyfriend who turns you into a punching bag is a no-go area because I believe a person who loves you will never want to see you in pain! Do not be misled by people who will tell you that a loving man beats up his partner, no, we are in the 21st century.

There are also those boyfriends who never spend even a cent on their partner, no present or whatever. Never force a stingy boyfriend to marry you because those are the same men who are later blamed for being irresponsible. A woman will work hard to fend for the family while he turns a blind eye to all the responsibilities. You will live to regret marrying him, yet in fact, he would have shown you from the start that he is not a responsible man.

The other important thing is sticking to someone trustworthy. I know love issues are really complicated. Sisters, if your boyfriend cheats on you before you even get married what do you think will happen afterwards? Stop making excuses for them and get real. A cheating boyfriend is not marriage type. If you tolerate him having other girlfriends then know there are higher chances that tears will be your food in the marriage as they always say, “Ungithande usazi ukuthi ngilama-girlfriends, manje ukhalelani.” Painful, but true!

A great partner should also be loyal. Be sure that it is someone who will stand by you through thick and thin. It should be someone who understands your flaws and all. The loyal part will play its biggest role when the in-laws are becoming too dramatic. Expect that in marriage; of course not all in-laws are dramatic.

Sisters, your partner should respect you. The man whose marriage proposal you accept should be a genuine person who considers you in every situation and will be on your side no matter what. It should not be the type that will be checking out other women, but will keep his attention focused on you, the woman in his life.

The last two crucial things are great communication and great intimacy. Great communication is the foundation of relationships. If you are considering making it official by marrying him, you have to feel comfortable discussing anything with him, and I mean anything. The more you communicate with your man, the less likely the two of you will get into arguments because both of you will be able to talk about your problems instead of holding them in.

The way you relate to each other in the bedroom has a big influence on whether the two of you will stay together after wedding vows are exchanged, so the intimacy between the two of you should be on point.

Never settle for less!

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