you are fired

WOMEN’S FORUM: Has he been fired? Remember the vow

Nhlalwenhle Ncube – NOWADAYS it seems no one is comfortable when it comes to job security as thousands of people are losing their jobs.

To make matters worse, most men are worried about losing precious things they love in the event that they lose their jobs, their better halves.

Sisters, no matter what you go through in your marriage, remember that vow, a�?Till death do us apart.a�?

Remember that through thick and thin you are supposed to be the reason for his smile and help him sail through.

I believe that there is nothing as powerful as a vow and it should not just be said to follow suit but it has a special meaning. If you were just given a vow to say at your wedding, I suggest you redo it and tell your partner what comes from your heart.

It is unfortunate that vows have simply become part of the wedding proceedings and it seems even if couples take the oath, ita��s not them who are saying it, but they will just be following suit.

I have always told people that there is nothing that turns me off like a couple which just sing the mantra a�?I will love you till death do us aparta��a��, because they will be taking us (guests) for granted, all we need now is someone who makes an oath from deep down, not those who repeat the lies we have heard a million times.

If you check, it seems each year the statistics of divorce are increasing and it is so worrying that one begins to ask himself or herself the reasons and gets millions of them.

I understand all those reasons, but I dona��t buy them because most of the reasons mentioned, are the problems which were there even back then except for equal rights.

An extract from a daily newspaper read, a�?Come to think of it, just between January and July this year, High Court records indicate that a staggering 1 102 couples registered to end their marriages at the High Court in Harare and Bulawayo. This effectively translates to 157 couples divorcing every month and 40 divorcing every week.

a�?Harare, so far, has officially terminated 129 marriages while Bulawayo has annulled 44 marriages. Chief among the reasons of divorces has been the citation of irreconcilable differences. The story is hardly different in family relations; homes have come to resemble mini war zones. Cases of domestic violence, legally dealt with under the Domestic Violence Act, continue to shoot up the roof.a�?

The high trend of divorce summons being issued every month has been attributed to a chain of factors. Internal and external migration in which spouses leave for urban areas or leave the country to the Diaspora or neighbouring countries and spend years without coming back home is one of the worst a�?a�?cancersa��a�� that has ravaged marriages.

Domestic violence and adultery have also been singled out, as several couples approach the courts seeking legal intervention arguing that their marriages would have irretrievably broken down.

According to court records, some families broke down because of age differences while some divorced because of harsh economic conditions. There has been an increase in the cases of divorce at the High Court in Bulawayo since 2011.

Sisters try not to be part of 2015 divorce statistics. I know divorce is not something you plan, but love him dearly even when he is broke.

True that, but you know day-to-day events lead to divorce and during the process, most people then begin to say, a�?I saw it coming.a�� If you had seen it coming, then why didna��t you work on your relationship?

One thing people have to take note of is that divorce is not all about you and your partner, but the whole family. If you have children, do not think that it is all about money and rushing to claim maintenance. Money will not buy you or your children happiness.

The family also gets affected in one way or another; they also need that family set up, father-son bond or mother-daughter relationship vice-versa.

Sistersa��, being a single mother is not that simple, if your marriage problems can be solved, better do so than rushing to divorce!

Pride has cost many couples. I know that most women will say, a�?You will apologise no matter who was wrong.a�? Maybe that used to work for our mothers and grandmothers because our fathers and grandfathers had that special love, but not anymore with todaya��s men.

If you are wrong, swallow your pride and apologise, anyway you will not lose anything, but the other party will feel that you have that respect for him and remember that men are more concerned about their ego.

I know that each story of divorce is unique, but with commitment some divorce cases could be avoided.

Remember your vow especial, a�?I will stand by you through thick and thin, your people will be my people.a�? Then why divorce him because he is failing to get a job. Stick to your vow, poverty is part of that thick and thin part.

We have heard of cases where our sisters decide to divorce their husbands when they fail to live up to expectations of giving them that a�?a�?expensivea��a�� lifestyle. Instead give him all the support during the hard times and you will sail through.

Marriage is not a bed of roses and will never be!

When you decide to get into that institution of marriage, know that you are climbing a mountain and there will be problems here and there which will require your maturity. Brace up yourself and deal with them in a clever manner, not that once you have a single problem, the only thing that comes to mind is divorce.

Divorce should be the last option after realising that you have tried all you could do, but still your problems or differences are now out of hand.

There is nothing wrong with reminding your partner his vow especially if you realise that he has forgotten his promises. I believe that vows should play a certain part in saving marriages!

During the course of marriage, one or both partners may lose interest in the relationship. This is usually caused by a lack of healthy communication with each other. You know some people once they get married, they start to treat each other like strangers. Instead, your partner should be your friend, that close friend you cannot do without.

When you realise that something is wrong with your relationship, discuss the problem before it starts to have roots! You must take note of each othera��s facial expressions, listening skills, tone of voice and words used in a discussion. The absence or hostile nature of these factors leads to negative communication patterns and can contribute to a loss of interest in the relationship and subsequent divorce.

If you want to save your marriage stop a�?a�?lovinga��a�� money too much because the day your partner wakes up cent-less that will be the end of your relationship!

Leta��s keep chatting on nhlancube66@gmail.comA� or WhatsApp 0712978471.