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Get your marriage off to a great start

Nhlalwenhle Ncube

MANY knots were tied in December and for some the honeymoon period is over, now it’s back to serious business and for newly wedded couples welcome to the real world.

I understand some newly wedded couples are already having cat fights as lies told are being exposed. This is really a bad start, but we hope they solve their problems amicably and give their marriages an awesome start.

The day you get married is the happiest day of your life. It’s the day you have spent the last few years dreaming about, and everything must go smoothly and perfectly just like you have dreamt it would.

But hard work lies ahead of you both to sustain your relationship. The thing is that marriage doesn’t come gift-wrapped which means that you and your partner have to work at things. And you will find out as the years roll by that in a marriage, there are often just as many lows as there are highs.

As much as couples would rather keep their marriage drama-free, the reality is that this is just not always possible.

However, there are several common mistakes married couples make which makes their marriages get off to a bad start. The good news is that these pitfalls can easily be avoided.

They say that there is no truer saying than life is what you make it. But what does this phrase actually mean? It means different things to different people. If you focus on the bad stuff in life, your life will be negative. If you focus on the good stuff, your life will be much more positive. It sounds so simple. Yet so many newlywed couples fall into the trap of getting annoyed by their partners’ failings. But instead of focusing on his penchant for lying in on a Sunday morning until noon or having a few beers after work when we want him home, why not focus on his good qualities a bit more?

If you focus on his weaknesses, you will always be fighting and returning home will become his everyday headache. There will not be warmth at home and because of tensions at home, you will be unable to plan for the future. Know the best way to deal with your person.

When you were dating, you both couldn’t stop showering each other with kindness. Don’t stop being kind to your partner because you have married them.

Another thing, no one is always right. This is a big mistake that many couples make, and sometimes they prefer to be right than in love. Unfortunately, too many spouses are insistent on being right that they compromise their marriage. A relationship is so much more than being right. Accept that mistakes happen. Accept that sometimes it’s okay not to be right — even if you are.

Being comfortable with one another is perfect. But getting so comfortable that you stop putting in effort to make your relationship work is a bad thing. Once you stop putting the effort into your relationship now that you are married, the fizz disappears. The excitement fades. Don’t get too comfortable. Keep things edgy and spontaneous.

If you adopt a “we’re married now therefore you’re mine and you have to spend all your time with me” attitude you’re going to kill your marriage before it’s even started. Sure, you now belong to one another. You share wedding rings, houses and maybe even bank accounts. But it doesn’t mean you have to do absolutely everything together. It’s important that you still give your partner some space. Let air into the relationship by doing things independent of one another.

We all take to marriage differently. Marriage is a big step in anyone’s life, and although you two are taking the step together, it doesn’t mean you’re going to think and act in exactly the same way. Look, there will be disagreements about how to do things. Their habits and expectations of marriage will probably be different from yours. Don’t expect everything to be absolutely perfect and harmonious. If you do, you will only find it difficult to react when things don’t go your way. Talk to each other about things. If you have concerns, raise them. But always listen to what they have to say.

Lastly, always remember that your money is no longer just yours. You can no longer take a cavalier attitude to savings and spending. You must talk about your budget with your partner as soon as you tie the knot. Arguments about money are the most explosive types. Give your marriage an awesome start and you will definitely grow as a family.

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