love

Get things straight

Nhlalwenhle Ncube

MANY people have been hurt numerous times and end up believing that “this love thing” is just a myth.

Hold on. Try to get things straight before getting too serious.

One big problem I have realised most women have is loving too much, trusting too much and getting more committed than a man before even knowing his character and intentions.

Sisters, the key is to look beyond what he says, it is to look deep into his nature and his reaction to certain questions.

There are some questions which can help you in getting to know the other party better which will also assist in making informed decisions. Remember, people who make great promises and fail to deliver are the kind that will make you feel misled, their over-enthusiasm will make you think they are in it for life when  actually, their answer was solely based on the way they felt about you there and then. There and then is when the relationship is in its initial honeymoon phase. Such people can’t really look towards their future. They will promise you the moon and the stars but will not be able to deliver even a simple thing for you!

Slap yourself out of the illusion they create and the delusion you create for yourself. Someone who is too unsure might still have greater chances to get serious in the relationship, relatively. For someone unsure, you can’t really blame them when they call it quits because they never committed themselves, remember? So why put yourself in an uncertain situation where you have no idea if you will be single the next day or not?

Most importantly, what are the vibes that you get from this person, look beyond his words. Trust me, your brain screams at you when it warns you of the tornado that’s about to hit you. Listen to your head and feel what your heart tells you, keep a balance of both and you will know instantly if he is in it as seriously as you are.

Before committing yourself, think it out a hundred times,how you will commit yourself to the relationship, but also ask your partner how much he is willing to put into this relationship. Here is a list of some questions that you should ask your lover before getting too serious and committed.

The first and the foremost question to ask your ‘‘husband-to-be’’, “Why do you love me? This one can appear as a silly question as most people try to play it clever saying, “I love you because I just love you.” Well, this is not an acceptable answer. If someone claims to love you, then he or she  should give a valid reason why they love you. We really need to know the reason that made our partner fall in love with us. We often think about this; what is it that has attracted my lover towards me? Is it my beauty? Is he impressed with my intelligence? Does he love me for my personality?

Everyone has his own way of loving their partner. But if someone says this to us, ‘‘I love you because you make me feel special’’ or ‘‘Whatever you do for me makes me fall in love with you even more’’, we will just feel on top of the world.

Once we know what actually made our partner fall in love with us, we will not only have the confidence over ourselves but will also have faith in the relationship.

Love and romance require constant nurturing. Both the partners need to put in deliberate efforts to keep the romantic spark alive in their lives. You both need reassurance of love from each other; you both need to go the extra mile to impress each other with your romance and love.

When you ask your partner, “Will you do your best to keep the romance?” He will immediately start thinking of various creative ways to keep the romance alive over a long period of time, if that partner is truly in love with you.

And if, by any chance, your partner is reluctant to answer or says “we will see when the time comes”, this shows that your partner is not even sure about his love for you.

Grow with me! Life is not constant; we don’t know what life holds for us in the future. We can never be sure of our future life but we can reassure our life partner that we will stick with them during the darkest of times. By asking this question from the person we are going to marry, we are just asking for his reassurance, we just want them to promise us that they will be there with us forever.

No one can promise you just happy shining days, but all we can do is promise each other support during the rough times of life. Check how supportive he is during the days when luck is not in your favour. Once he decides to be there during the hard times, then he has the potential of being the right one.

Also check his seriousness with, “Are you willing to lose some battles in 0rder to keep the peace? Remember in a relationship all parties should compromise. It doesn’t mean that you compromise on your self-respect and your happiness. It means moulding yourself and taming your ego for the betterment of your relationship. Before any commitment, ask him whether he is ready to place your relationship above everything else? If your lover claims to give priority to your happiness and will let go of their ego if it’s coming in the way, then this partner deserves to be your life partner.

He should also be able to support you if you are failing to do it yourself. When you ask your lover and life partner-to-be some questions, you will be openly telling them your expectations. A life partner is supposed to be your supporter, your morale booster, your guide, your mentor. If ever in life you need any kind of support, financial, physical, mental, your partner should vow to provide you that support from the very moment you become their life partner.

Everyone has an innate desire of love; want to be loved and be sure that someone really cares. Not only this, everyone wants regular reassurance of love from her partner. They should not only say it, but their actions everyday should confirm.

Sisters, try and get things straight before commitment because we are tired of comforting each other on a daily basis because of men who are clothed in wolf skin, leaving your hearts broken. Falling in love does not mean you should rush to commit yourself!

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