NO matter how long youa��ve been married or how well you know each other, there are at least a handful of specific things guys commonly keep super-close to the vest. Ita��s not that hea��s stewing in his own closet of skeletons (leta��s hope, at least), but your guy might need a little help expressing himself when it comes to insecurities, emotions or needs. We asked a couple therapists to give us a peek into his brain a�� what hea��s thinking, what hea��s saying and what he isna��t saying a�� but definitely should be, too.
He has body insecurities
You might be able to slink into your sexiest dress after a week of Soul Cycle classes and ask him how you look, but your husband is probably not going to sniff around for a compliment. Still, he needs to know you still think hea��s attractive, too. a�?Men feel the pressure to put out an energy that they are confident and secure, but most of them really need to know that you still desire them,a�? says LA-based couples therapist Ellen Bradley-Windell, LCSW.
a�?Verbalise to your husband, a�?I am really attracted to you!a��a��a�� says Windell. a�?And tell him why you feel so lucky to be married to him. Although they may play it off as unimportant, they really are grasping on to every word youa��re saying.a�?
He doesna��t know how to fully open up
a�?By nature, men are less emotional than women,a�? says Detroit-based clinical therapist Tomanika Witherspoon, LMSW. a�?I often have to probe the men more than the women to expand on their concerns.a�? And ita��s not because they dona��t have emotions or concerns, but because men have likely been taught to work through these things independently a�� or bury them a�� from early childhood.
So, dona��t be surprised if he has have tough time telling you that hea��s hurt after an argument, frustrated when youa��ve worked late every night for two weeks or that he wishes youa��d take his financial concerns more seriously. a�?This can ultimately become destructive as the husband, who may feel neglected and have feelings of resentment because his needs are not being met because hea��s not identifying concerns,a�? says Witherspoon.
What to do? a�?A wife can only continue encouraging and be patient,a�? she adds. Communicate your emotions clearly, and wait for him to access his. Go the extra mile to see his side, and hea��ll reciprocate.
Hea��s ultra-dependent on you
Most guys can easily wear the provider and protector hat, but very few will readily fess up to needing someone elsea��s constant support a�� even if ita��s from their own wives. a�?Men have buddies at the gym or in the workplace, but it is very uncommon for them to have a true, loving friend who unconditionally understands their heart or emotions,a�? Windell says. a�?They really desire the idea of be able to lean on their wives for that support, but dona��t want to appear weak.a�?
So, dona��t forget to be his lover, wife and bestie. Ask him whata��s going on at the office, or plan a date night just to talk about stuff. If he seems stressed, tell him youa��re there to listen a�� even if he says nothing is wrong at first. And when he shares, absorb what hea��s saying a�� and dona��t be afraid to respond. He wants your opinion. a�?Tell him will promise to let him know if there is something you dona��t understand,a�? she adds. a�?Your honest and positive feedback is the most important part of being his best friend.a�?
Hea��s more into cuddling than he lets on
Sometimes, he might not be in the mood for sex, but that doesna��t mean he doesna��t want to get close and be intimate with you. a�?Just as much as wives crave the emotional intimacy associated with cuddling, men enjoy these little moments, too. Dona��t let them fool you,a�? says Windell. Try taking that initiative more often a��grab his hand, touch his shoulder or get closer in bed. (Wea��re partial to spooning.) Sometimes, of course, sex is on the brain, but other times a simple hand on his arm is the only reassuring touch he really needs. a�� Askmen.com