IN LAWS

Dona��t let him choose between you and his mom

It is not only the small house or how you are in the bedroom that can destroy your home.

Your relationship with your husbanda��s family can turn a healthy marriage into something else. Since long ago there has always been that tension between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.

The rift between these two will never end. But it takes a sensible lady to make her marriage work.

a�?Why were Adam and Eve the happiest couple in the history of the world? Because neither one of them had a mother-in-law.a�?

Mother-in-law jokes are popular in comedy circles. Most of these jokes play on the stereotype that the average mother-in-law is overbearing, obnoxious, and probably unattractive to boot a�� and most significantly, that the old battle-axe considers her daughter-in-law to be totally unworthy of her son.

She might be that hard but sisters remember that old woman whom you refer to as a witch carried your husband for nine months. Dona��t ever think that the special bond which existed between these two will suddenly change because of you.

Come on ladies woman up! I know that ita��s so boring to have a hubby or boyfriend who is a mamaa��s baby. By this I mean a man who will give more attention to his mother than you. Just brush it off. Remember those people have a long history together.

The mother-in-law might have raised her child single-handedly. So the background of that bond and the struggles they had which bind the two cannot be easily compromised. Ita��s not that simple for the man to suddenly part ways with his mum.

I know you think something is wrong with my head. Just take things easy sisters. Ia��m very much aware that some mothers-in-law are obnoxious, judgmental and bullies. They expect you to do everything the way they did it when raising their son. They have that a�?I carried him for nine monthsa�? mentality. At the same time sisters have that a�?I give him a blow job a�?mentalitya�?. This will always create that tension. It takes a smart lady to ignore and treat that old woman with dignity and respect.

Just do nice things for her. Buy groceries for her. You can even pick her up or meet her in town during the weekend, surprise her and let her choose clothes of her choice through your account.

Even if she wrongs you keep calm and just be nice to her.

Remember the good relationship between Ruth and Naomi in the bible. Naomi even went an extra mile by arranging a man for Ruth after the death of Rutha��s husband. What a relationship! Wona��t you want your mother-in-law to look for a rich man for you after the death of your husband?

What I mean is that no matter how much of a bully she is if you show her that you are not braced up for a fight, you are there to build not to destroy she will later on respect you in return.

Boundaries is not a dirty word. In fact, ita��s one of the best words in the English language a�� and in practice; healthy boundaries are what keep us sane and foster friendly relations. Set boundaries for yourself, and respect your in-lawa��s boundaries.

When you do stray into each othera��s crosshairs, try to see the situation from her point of view. Know her character and appreciate it. This will make your husband love you more because he cana��t choose between you and his mother.

Sisters please dona��t put the poor man in that awkward position of choosing. Of course I know some mothers love money and to be pampered without taking into consideration that you also have responsibilities. But please try to tolerate her.

Let go of your expectations about how things should be and work with the way things are. This means accepting the complete cast of characters who make up your whole crazy extended family, as well as other non-negotiable circumstances. I know in most cases even his sisters are problematic. At times they would be having hordes of children and they are unmarried, staying with their mother. Just dona��t mind that do what you are supposed to do. If you have to send those children to school do it.

Always think of the children. Model the values you want the children to learn. Do you want to train them in sniping and disrespect, or trust and compassion? This other time I was chatting with my friend. She is a newly-wed and her husband does not have parents. But guess what? She had tears rolling down her cheeks narrating how her brother-in-lawa��s teenage children are rude to her.

She told me that there is no one without a mother- in-law as she described how those teens have turned into her mother- in-law because of the way they treat her. She went on to tell me how the brother-in-law was a controlling freak. Marriage is all about sacrifice and patience. Ita��s not a bed of roses. Someone who is not your husband can actually control your life to the extent of telling you what to cook and how you cook it, yet you will be employed as a cook at your work place.

Remember, the heart is a generous muscle, and therea��s enough love to go around. The Beatles said it best: And, in the end, the love you take/is equal to the love you make. Leta��s love them despite what they do- they are our mothers.

Leta��s give those women love. They will return it later in life. Ita��s not their fault maybe they never got love in life.

Sisters inspire them to love.