Controversy Queen: It is not our place to judge

Nomathemba Ndebele
THIS week I am writing about REAL LIFE. Struggles, heartbreak, loss, depression, reaching what you might think is your bottom and fighting your way back, successes, triumphs, happiness and HOPE.
Finding ways to take care of you again. FOR YOU. This is about me. This is about you. This is about your family, your friends . . . ita��s about US. Ita��s about trying to be our best, ON THE INSIDE, for OURSELVES.

This life is so hectic that we BARELY have time to breathe much less take care of ourselves. Everyone else gets our best, and if we have ANYTHING left over, WE get the leftovers. I dona��t know about you but I RARELY have ANYTHING left over for myself. In trying to make myself better, Ia��ve done a lot of self therapy. Let me be the first to tell you: You do not have to see a professional to receive therapy. Work on yourself. Find the best way you learn.

What are you interested in? Perhaps sex? Music? Travelling? This is what works for me. I understand this wona��t necessarily work for you, but just humour me. Find someone you respect in the area you are interested in. Find out a little bit about them. NOT how much money they have. NOT the successes they have now.

Find out their story. You know, NOT gossip, but the real stuff. We ALL have a story. Look at the things you respect about that person and their expertise. Look at their imperfections. Look how much theya��ve overcome. Understand that successful people who have earned the respect of others have usually been through some tough shit and overcome it. Use their experiences to make you think. How can I relate this to my life? How is my life different? If I woulda��ve been in their shoes, what would I have done? Trust me, Ia��m not implying judgement.

IT IS NOT OUR PLACE TO JUDGE. But, if you have similar things that have happened in your life, look at yourself. Think. Self Reflect. Ita��s not easy. I am JUST LEARNING how to do this. Ia��m a music fanatic. Music is a form of therapy for me. I can get lost in a song. I am HORRIBLE with communication, finding the right words to use when I need to convey my feelings just doesna��t seem to work for me. I can talk for 15 minutes and completely FORGET my point. Actually, the likelihood of me making my point is probably 5/100 times.

That gives you a better idea of how my brain works. However, a song can explain EXACTLY how I feel. For the time that song is on, I have that feeling of a�?Ia��m really NOT ALONE. Someone out there feels exactly the same way I do.a�? When I think and self reflect, I found it was important for me to NOT feel alone. Whether I know the person in real life or not, NOT FEELING ALONE was/is extremely comforting to me.

Once I stopped telling myself that a�?Ia��m all alone, NOBODY understands me. NOBODY could POSSIBLY know what Ia��m going througha�? guess what? I started believing it. I started believing that Ia��m NOT SO WEIRD. Ia��m not SO crazy. Ia��m not TOO different. I AM OK. Someone else is out there feeling exactly my feelings and if they can make it, I CAN TOO. I started accepting myself. After I started accepting myself, I was able to start forgiving myself. After I started forgiving myself, I was able to start loving myself again. No, ita��s not as simple as Ia��m making it sound. Ia��ve worked myself off. Sleepless nights. Crying myself to sleep.

Anxiety. Locking myself in my mirror throughout the day to breathe and have talks with myself. Trying to get out of bed everyday and function. NONE of it is easy. And guess what? I am NOWHERE NEAR having this shit down. Ia��m only at the beginning of my journey. I am JUST LEARNING HOW TO COPE. Actually, I suck pretty bad. But, thata��s ok. I accept the fact that I suck at coping and I WILL OWN IT.

The important part is that I can now RECOGNISE the path thata��s in front of me. I can SEE where Ia��m going again. Ia��ve regained focus. Ia��m back to working on me. I choose HOPE. Brain turned on. Eyes open to look at myself. Heart open. MIND OPEN. Ears open and my mouth CLOSED. I have to SHUT UP in order to learn. I will keep working on me. I will continue self therapy on myself. I wona��t stop thinking. I wona��t stop improving me.

I WONa��T GIVE UP ON ME. THERE IS NO SHAME IN ASKING FOR HELP. WORKING ON YOURSELF IS A SIGN OF STRENGTH. Did you hear that?? Thata��s right. Ia��m BRAVE.A� Ia��M GETTING HELP FOR ME. All I hope for each of you is that you work on you. Dona��t forget about yourself. Realise how important you are. Realise how valuable you are. Identify something youa��re really great at or you really enjoy that is healthy . . . focus on that. Work on your weaknesses and areas that need improvement – but dona��t let those define who you are. And, pat yourself on the back, damn it. YOU MATTER. YOUa��RE WORTH IT. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Dona��t give up on you, I wona��t.

Thank you for reading. Until next Friday, keep improving yourself and those dear to you.