Controversy Queen with Nomathemba Ndebele
Why is everyone sounding off these days? The Economy? Money? Relationships? How are any of these things different from anything our parents, grandparents went through? Are they magnified because of technology a�� and our instant know-all gadgets that come at us from every direction leaving us little peaceful time to reality?
Sometimes with a heavy heart, I look around me. Whether ita��s while driving, dropping off/picking up kids from school, going to work, scrolling through Twitter or Facebook, reading anything,A� all I see is despair a�� ita��s everywhere. Depression. Loveless, faked interactions. Cruel words. Unnecessary roughness, mean spirited comments, anger, quickness to judge. And though I pride myself in being someone who is constantly looking for the good, seeing the glass half full, looking on the bright side, remaining pleasant a�� it is hard to stay focused when there is so much poison brewing all around me.
Especially with women a�� ita��s like we are all swimming upstream, trying to make our way through motherhood a�� and we have other women pushing us under the current, making us gasp for breath and have a harder time than we already do just staying above water. Why cana��t women stop doing that to one another and start pulling each other up? Dandaro Remadzimai Anhasi Todaya��s Women, being a typical example of a UK-born Zimbabwean page on Facebook that brews hate amongst women! Why so much hate within an individual to feel the need to spread it all over young women and adults across this humble country that Mbuya Nehanda left for us all to nurture?
I am starting the deconstruction of this drama by looking within a woman. She is someone who loves deeply a�� cares wholeheartedly, gets involved, listens, laughs, spreads cheer a�� and yet within herself she finds a strong sense of being incomplete, discomfort, self loathing and disappointment. That voice within that wona��t stay quiet when she goes to bed at night. Why so harsh? Therea��s the inability, or so it feels, to balance motherhood, work, friendship, life, love, living a�� there is so much pressure to do this gracefully, eloquently, graciously. Keep weight down, keep bank balance up, keep kids well, keep house clean, enrich, read, a�� do this a�� do that. Ita��s exhausting. The critics in a womana��s head are constantly judging her. FAIL FAIL FAIL!
When we walk past a mirror in a store we do a double take, bags under the eyes a�� hair is a mess. What would it take for a woman to look in the mirror she walks past, do a double take and say a�?woman you look good!a�? Do we even have that capability in ourselves? Do we need a makeup/hair session before we can ever be able to see positivity in ourselves? Or even then wouldna��t weA� sayA� too much makeup, not the right shade, this, that?
Speaking for myself, I guess one thing I am grateful to be able to do is hit the pillow at night knowing Ia��m a good person a�� knowing I gave someone a smile that they might have needed it a�� or knowing that I was the best person I could be vanity versus integrity. I guess Ia��d rather integrity win, but I still would like to be healthy a�� in the whole sense of the word.
So back to the basics, ladies we can love our family and friends and life for that matter, as deeply and as passionately as humanly possible, but if we cana��t love ourselves then the rest is silly.
After watching others being victimised each day on this particular Facebook page, be it they have uploaded a photo or said something not in favour with the administrators, it took my own victimisation to write about it. Until next time, remember to resort toA� something indulging, if stress levels seem inevitable, spread love, do not let hate consume you. Until next Friday.
- FollowA� @nomakartel on twitter.