Apartheid, dog threats and whining over wine

Khuphuka Nasingeni
We have all heard of the apartheid system in South Africa, that segregatory system where a certain race was privileged by virtue of the colour of their skin.  It is certainly one of those dark epochs that one would never wish on their kinsmen.

My mind could not help but be jolted into that mode of worry over such a scenario re-visiting us, albeit in a different form. Reports that the length or width(or lack of thereof) of parts of our anatomy can be used to determine access to pain-free health procedures really verges on human rights abuse.

If there is a lawyer keen on a human rights award and round the globe trip addressing conventions on human rights, then this is the case to take up. I admit, this is quite personal too since the constitution cannot disinherit me from the commonwealth of justice on the strength of my meagre endowment!

I smell a conspiracy between penis enlargement practitioners and guys behind this circumcision product that alienates a huge chunk of our population, sentencing men like me to cuts, salted sausages and suspicious gait for weeks.

I am already consulting law books in case no lawyer takes up the challenge, I will be a self-actor not only as a concerned citizen in general, but segregated citizen in particular.

I hear in the past you could not join the police force if you were height challenged, a rights issue that has since been overcome.  And please do not tell me there is another option, a surgical one that is accompanied by pain and a six-week layoff from action. Why should I catch the train when others are entitled to flying first class by virtue of their dimensional competencies!  And this is an urgent matter, even before I file it, that should be known.

You see in this dog eat dog environment, no one will fight for your rights if you do not stand up and be counted.  The rights issue is so bad that even dogs, that never used to have much to worry about over the holidays such as Easter, except being burdened with more guard duties while owners party away from home, could now be forced into seeking an injunction challenging their inclusion on the local menu.

This should worry even dog owners, they should not be lulled into inaction lest they be called upon to spend cold nights in winter guarding their dogs since the tables are slowly turning.  I am uncomfortably curious at the sudden swing in our palate, over the lengths to which our exploratory taste buds have taken us.

Please advise me which other animals have been added to the national dish, apart from dogs and donkeys, so that I can forward such data to our experts in order for them to research and establish how much that could upset our ecosystem.

My greatest fear is that it might not be long before we are added to the dish.  The earlier we invoke some public health emergency regulations at the dog level the better it might be for all humanity!

Let me not risk tampering with your tempers at a time most are feeling so religious. You see, this is a time that is quite popular to different people for vastly different reasons,  that I can never list exhaustively.

Suffice to say that the Easter Eggs, remembering Christ, including extreme cases of followers being nailed to their crosses, and camping to be far from the madding crowd to devote more time to the maker and drinking occupy some of the top spots.

Police roadblocks during this period check for many things but uMzo complained that breathalysers would not be proper over Easter.  His reasoning is that since his church limits Holy Communion to once a year, he cannot be persecuted on account of his religious beliefs.

Legal minds please help me with the relevant constitutional provision! To all those travelling please do not drink and drive.

Fasten your seat belts always and co-operate with the traffic cops as they ask for all manner of things like reflector triangles and fire extinguisher(that you cannot even use), even the odd cop who goes behind the vehicle and asks you to switch on your headlights for him to see if they are in working order.

All in the spirit of safety, there is no chance of you rising should you die this holiday hence prevention is better than cure.