samsung s7

Swimming cellphones and the dope generation

Khuphuka Nasingeni
A growing number of cellular phones have been rendered useless after they plunged into water as their owners washed clothes or took a bath, or a swim.  Dear reader, please do not nudge me in the direction of answers to why one would carry their phone to the bathroom.

They are many and varied, largely of a security nature, in the same manner that residents of a certain suburb whose outside bathroom doors left too much room underneath were rumoured to take a bath while biting their soap, in case it disappeared between blinks.

Those familiar with the field of research will tell you that it is the outcome of tackling research problems that gives birth to solutions.  One’s problem inspires yet another individual to overcome and make their lives better.

We all have followed the fascination with cellphones with such unparalleled meticulousness to a point where we know the latest on the market even though we cannot remember our grandmothers’ birthdays!  Now Samsung, that ICT firm that has transferred our memory banks from our brains into that tiny contraption, have come up with yet another innovation.

Your boyfriend or girlfriend, or extra friend, can now ring you up in the bathroom as you take a splash with your gadget.  The upcoming S7 (ABOVE), in its two versions, according to Samsung, can hold its breath (literally) under water for about 30 minutes without suffering any damage.  This does not come cheap though as the phones cost around $700, for this waterproof upgrade and longer lasting battery.

So, next time you hear your better half singing in slow and low tones, what sounds like an Adele tune in the bathroom, it could be a conversation with their extra others, disguised as HELLO!  There is an untested theory to the effect that technology has made it quite easy to cheat, and such theorists would want us to believe it was almost impossible in the past to cheat on your partner.

It would appear cheating and communication innovation have run neck on neck for centuries, only nowadays it is easier to be caught than in the past. It’s either they never bothered to seek for baboons in a mountain, or they were so good at it they could have taught a thing or two to this generation’s hopeless cheats.

Where I grew up there were always stories about the milkman and his ways, especially when the husbands were away at work during the day. You see, as uMzo would say, trying to sound slightly older than he really is, these milk men would deliver milk door to door to those that used a coupon system to buy milk in advance and there were those that also did the rounds mostly to us who only afforded milk now and then, or could not be bothered to pay in advance for the milk. I cannot remember any unholy story in my locality that was associated with a postman.

These were the respected guys, guys you could rely on to point you in the right direction as you sought out your new girlfriend’s place.  They knew all the house numbers and even houses that were almost always deserted.

However, this veil of piety on the part of the postal network guys is apparently not universal, if reports from the US are anything to go by.  An 87-year-old former postman is reported to have sired 1 300 children in Tennessee.

“Contraception wasn’t very popular in those days,” he told local reporters in his defence.  “I have nothing to be ashamed of.  The 60s were the good old days and I did a great Johnny Cash impression which played out real good  with the ladies,” he explained. Johnny Cash was like a Michael Jackson of that generation!

“Some even thought I was Johnny Cash for real,” he recalls laughingly. Warning: Please do not try this at home.  It took investigators 15 years to go through DNA samples that uncovered that 1 300 children in the old man’s former operations area were fathered by him, though many of the women were married.

Staying with cheating, it is interesting how it is labelled differently depending on the circumstances, and even sport (no pun intended).

International Women’s Day has come and gone, and this is quite an important day that celebrates women, their struggles for equality and accomplishments over the years. For one woman, Maria Sharapova, her sins of commission caught up with her during this symbolic week. The way sponsors deserted the poor athlete can only compare to the treatment of lepers in Biblical times. She is our loser of the week.

While Sharapova fights her battles, I believe in Zimbabwe we should start serious doping tests, not those tests that check for elitist drugs that are beyond our athletes’ reach.  We could, for example, start with locally available performance enhancing drugs like Vuka Vuka and Bronco.  I am sure we would get stories like; “I have been taking the Vuka concoction for 10 years for my back problem . . . as for the bronco, my doctor prescribed it for this persistent cough.” I am trying to imagine if any sponsor would be affected should one of our leading athletes test positive for a banned substance . . .

E-mail: nasingeni@gmail.com