It’s your choice, make it work

Nhlalwenhle Ncube

HOLIDAY is over, some people’s loved ones have departed to their work places, once again widening the dreaded gap creating long distance relationships, a recent major catalyst towards conflicts in marriages, and break-ups.
Sister, if you are one of those people who suddenly found themselves in a long distance relationship, do not lose hope and let go of your loved one.

Find solace in what you believe in — that is the love of your life, anchor on that  and you will be fine.

Many of us have been made to believe that distance makes the heart grow fonder, but that is not true! All you have to bear in mind is that a long distance relationship is no different from a proximal one in that they both require a great deal of work, excellent communication, patience, sacrifice and understanding.

Distance rather creates a unique endurance bond which in the end serves as a yardstick to the depth of your relationship.

I know some are newlyweds and the hubby just left them staying with in-laws or alone. Being a woman, there will be a lot of temptations and definitely some men will come to try their luck as they will mistake you for a “sexually starved” person.

If you respect yourself you will know better that a man who respects and values a proposal will never settle for a lady with a ring, it will be for a brief moment! This is not worthy sacrificing your marriage for.

The problem starts there, but what I will tell you my sister is that you have to stay focused. Do not ever lie or fool yourself by saying I will do it for a short time, because at the end of the day you will get emotionally attached to that “boyfriend” and it will be a disaster for you.

We have read in different newspapers how these flings lead to passion killings and gruesome violent acts.

Consequences are real; don’t let karma seal the fate for you.

Remember that no one will justify your actions because this world is cruel to women and you will be labelled a “whore”. Better be careful when it comes to such issues! Of course, it’s a different case for men because they are always dozen shelved excuses to justify their wayward actions.

Talk of life being unfair!!!

Long distance relationships, though they are challenging, there are ways to make them successful and blissful. The fact that you are going to be apart for a while is just another minor challenge that you need to rise to. There will be temptations that will be thrown in your face, if you are not resilient, they will throw you off balance. That is life. The trick is to adapt and overcome life’s barrage of challenges.

Tell yourself that it’s just a passing tide; so don’t allow the tide to wash you naked offshore to the ruin of a marriage that you have worked hard for.

Hey, do you remember the promises you made to each other? When you echoed those sentiments saying, “I will love, respect and care for you through thick and thin, in rich times and poor times”.  When you made that vow, you seriously built deep love between you and your partner. You can only experience deep love with time and experience!

It enriches your soul. You feel fulfilled by it to your very marrow. Successful long distance relationships are built by people committed to love and loving to each other. Often times choosing to love involves hard work and the rewards it pays outweigh anything else you can get from this world!

It’s more of a psychological route, don’t expect to make it through if you don’t put your mind to it. Keep your expectations real.

One important thing you have to do with your partner to enjoy a long distance relationship is being honest with each other. Talk about all the challenges that you are likely to experience by being so far apart. Make contingency plans for your insecurities, your sexual needs, and what you need to put in place to keep the relationship thriving. The people that enjoy such relationships do not leave things to chance!

You know, when you are miles apart, it is easy to feel “separated”. Do not let your romance die because it will be difficult to catch up when you meet after a long time. Stay in regular contact and bring up those romantic scenarios of intimacy and joy. Most important to your partner is being reassured that they are still loved and that you are thinking about them despite all the distractions of life where you are.

Haa, if truth be told, if you are healthy, you are going to be horny and it’s hard to get satisfaction if your partner is on the other side of the country, or worse, the world. That’s when the devil whispers in your ears, don’t let him have his way!!!!

The secret is to maintain those communication lines make time for each other and keep yourself busy by engaging in other daily activities. The more you reveal your true self the closer the relationship becomes. As for coping with temptation, this is where your commitment comes into play and you have to know what you want in life!

Sisters, long distance relationships demands that you have high self esteem and believe in yourself. That will help you in overcoming feelings of jealousy. Of course all in romantic relationships experience jealousy and fears about cheating, but it can be worse for those in long distance relationships. If you talk to your beloved and he sounds low or concentrating on something, definitely you will feel jealous. The important thing is to not to beat yourself up about it or to start imagining the worst!

It’s natural to feel a bit jealous and insecure. It is going to happen, so accept it and better not let it escalate. Maintain your own high self-esteem and high self-worth. Keep doing things that you enjoy. You are a valuable, attractive, interesting person. It’s important for your own mental health that you adopt the attitude that you are special and best choice for them!

Buckle up if you are in a long distance relationship, the journey can be bumpy. Be resilient, after all its an endeavour that paints  a true love story.

Let’s keep chatting on nhlancube66@gmail.com or 0712978471